How to speak so that people want to listen

Have you ever felt when you’re talking that no one is listening?

Or have you ever attended a meeting, conference or even simply joined a conversation and thought you can hear those people talking but you don’t understand a word?

If that sounds familiar, then you’re in for a treat because in today’s episode, I’ll share with you 3 tips and tricks you can apply immediately so next time

Well, this has certainly happened to me.

The idea for today’s episode came on Anzac Day because my partner is in the army and like every year, we attended the dawn service. 

For those outside of Australia & NZ - Anzac Day is the national day of remembrance in Australia and New Zealand and marks the anniversary of the first major military action fought by Australian and New Zealand forces during the First World War.

If you’ve ever attended one, you know how many acronyms and words are getting thrown around that for most, don’t mean a thing.

Our experience was that the RSM invited us to a brew before he started the speech for 6RAR … if you didn’t understand a word – welcome to the club.

Real talk for a second: it happens to me nearly daily. How so? 

My partner is in the army and their entire language consistent of acronyms and shortcuts, He gave me a 5-word sentence with 3 acronyms … 

But this isn’t unique to the Army – it happens to pretty much every profession and industry. We use terms, saying and language that no one outside actually understands. And this is dangerous when it comes to building your Personal Brand. This month’s topic is all about ‘metaphorically speaking’ because being able to get people to buy into what you’re saying and of course, remember the message and more importantly you- is exactly what we want to achieve when we build our Brand.

First things first: voice is the instrument we all play, probably the most powerful tool we all have and the only one that can start a war and say love you. 

Now more than ever, with the word being so loud and especially those who know they have an important message to share feel that their efforts and intel don’t go anywhere, it can feel very disheartening. However, it is something we all can work on and today’s insights are inspired by 3 resources:

-       Julian Treasure – the 5x TedX talker who literally spoke about this topic

-       Steve Brown’s book: how to talk so people will listen

-       And from experiences by yours truly (trust me – as an immigrant who failed English by an inch 4 years in a row, it wasn’t 9and still isn’t) an easy task to get people’s attention

Julian Treasure talks about the The 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking, which are:

1. Gossip

2. Judging

3. Negativity

4. Complaining

5. Excuses

6. Exaggeration

7. Dogmatism

But that’s not all.

Julian Treasure also goes on to share four powerful cornerstones on which to build our speaking. Together, they form the acronym "HAIL", which is fittingly defined as "to greet or acclaim enthusiastically," which, as Treasure asserts, "is how...our words will be received if we stand on these four things."

They are:

-       Honesty: Be true, straight and clear in what you say.

-       Authenticity: Be yourself.

-       Integrity: Be your word. Do what you say. Be someone you can trust.

-       Love: Wish others well.

I think his approach and explanation is the perfect foundation for us to understand the do’s and don’t’s but since I’m all for practical and tactical steps, I want to take it a step further and make it a whole lot more actionable and of course relatable.

Since I was little, I understood the power of words.

I was very overweight as a child – in fact, I weighed more at the age of 12 that I weigh now. So you can imagine the negativity that I grow up with. Let me tell you- kids can be cruel and I heard daily sayings like ‘fat pig’ and ‘stranded whale’. 

These words stung and still do but what it led me to was to learn more about the power of words spoken by yourself to yourself.

I got my hands on (well, I may or may not have snuck out the book from my aunty) called ‘the power of the subconscious mind’ by Dr Joseph Murphy.

My family is quite spiritual with majority working in health and wellness so they all were what I considered back then a bit whoohoo. I have always been a left brainer, which means I didn’t believe a thing when it couldn’t be backed by science, facts and figures.

I’m still wired like that and it takes me a lifetime to not only buy into someone’s approach but also develop my own methodologies. So far, I’ve coached over 300 people and tweaked my approach and process consistently which makes me now so confident in it because the method I use to build Personal Brands, is solid, tried and tested and most importantly- it can be repeated which is the most important factor for me.

Back to the power of words and the power of the subconscious mind:

It all starts how we talk to ourselves because if we don’t believe in what we say or in our abilities, no one else will either. The words you use define how you think about yourself. This was also the reason why I always called out my team when they made phone calls and started with ‘hey so and so, it’s just [name].’ In the second you use ‘just’, you already diminish yourself. So first tip: scrap the ‘just’ from your vocabulary when it comes to talking about yourself.

If you think this is such a minor tip, think again:

Words we use to define ourselves become reality because this is what others also pick up.

So when you are a constant complainer and gossip about others, don’t be surprised if you attract the gossip crew to you and also prepare yourself to be known as the whiner.

Same also goes when you speak with authority – people will see and associate you with an authoritative and powerful person.

Back to the Anzac Day experience. My partner’s boss, the RSM which stands for Regimental … is a big unit- excuse my explanation sir. But in the second he says ‘hello’, you want to salute and stand still. He comes across as very confident and certain about himself so no one would ever question his competence. So as much as it matters what you say, it also comes down to how you say it which comes down to what you think about yourself. Especially if you’re aiming to step up, say into a C-level role, or want to do more public speaking or set up your own business, you need to be confident in yourself because who would follow someone who questions themselves about their abilities?

Would you follow a leader to war when they have a high pitch voice and say ‘I think we should go this way?’ … exactly! 

So start with using powerful words for yourself. I actually have daily affirmations and the first time one of my early coaches gave them to me, I thought they sounded douchy.

It is a 5 page document and there are statements in there like: ‘Money is attracted by me’ and ‘people are hanging out for my content because it is powerful and moves them in the most impactful way’ … 

You get the gist … at first, it may sounds a bit ‘too full of yourself’ but you’ll see – when you say it out loud to yourself and do it consistently over a few days, ideally first thing in the morning before your brain has all sorts of stimuli, it is super powerful and effects the way you think.

Now we’ve been talking more about the ‘set up’, aka the self-talk that comes from beliefs and of course, the voice & tone how you convey your message. It’s not something that doesn’t just happen. It comes from clarity about you and what makes you the unique person you are. This is where your results come in and the successes you already had. Every single person has had success in one or another way, may it be by competing in sports, by getting a promotion, by being featured in media, by having overcome personal hardship, … it doesn’t matter.

What matters is how you want to be perceived as and then, how you use those stories to bring it home.

So for example: my Brand archetype is a magician and it’s easy for me to see what others can’t see so helping people to transfer their expert ability into global visibility by building a Personal Brand is an easy task for me. 

So that means I want to be seen as someone who is able to create new perspectives and thoughts, someone who addresses a concern, question or objection before you even have it. So my content is focused on exactly that and I use my story when I was clumbing up the career ladder until I miserably failed without sign of warning as my ‘signature story’. I could speak about the transformation of being a heavily overweight kid to becoming a long-distance triathlon and to this date, I haven’t missed a training session in nearly 8 years. Do I want to be associated with weight loss and fitness?

No, not really. It’s not aligned with my business and career brands. I do share some behind the scenes stories on my social media channels but more so to take people on my daily routines and let them get to know me. In no means I want to monetise it so it isn’t left right and centre.

So think for yourself- what is it that you want to be associated with and what words would people use to describe you?

And that brings us in the final tip for today which (hint and shameless plug: is also the lead into next week’s episode … and that is: your story

So make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss it when it drops next week.

Your story is so powerful and makes your stand point so much more relatable and effective because people can picture themselves in your story which makes them trust you … and this is where the magic happens.

When I would start talking about how building your Personal Brand can get you out of welfare and poverty – I’ve got nothing. This isn’t my story because I – thankfully – haven’t experienced it so there is no point making this mess my message.

I realised the power of my story for the very first time at one of my biggest live speaking gigs to date; it was the launch of the future females here in Brisbane and must be 5 years or so ago. I prepared a very informative (aka overloading presentation) on ‘how to build your Personal Brand’… don’t get me wrong … I think I did a pretty good job because that wasn’t my first rodeo talking about the topic but I got off track and told my story of when I was in my senior marketing role, worked my biscuits off, first in last out and everything changes when I was called into my manager’s office, expecting to get my next promotions as this is how it worked for the first 10 years of my career but instead, got put on a performance improvement plan. Simply because of the mismatch between self awareness and external awareness.  I could see especially those quiet achievers and introverted high performers lean in and listen to me with eyes wide open because I hit a nerve they could relate to. I can’t tell you how many enquiries I got from this speech, including a paid engagement with a University who wanted to make personal branding a compulsory subject for their last semester students. Simply because they understood my pain because it was their pain.

So to get you warmed up for next week and get you start thinking: 

Write down every turning moment in your life: from your upbringing to your school time to your early adulthood and so on. I got a tip from one of my storytelling coaches to split up your life in 10-years segments and simply write down experiences you had in each of them. You will see that you have already so many stories to tell – the question is: which one to use to help you cement your ideal positioning and one you’ll integrate in your speeches, meetings, social media posts … you name it.

Let’s leave it here because there is already quite a bit of homework for you to do ;)

To quickly recap, the 3 tips you can start applying straight away to make people want to listen to you are:

1.)   Avoid acronyms and technical language when you don’t talk to peers and it is a technical training

2.)   Remember the power of words: they impact how you think about yourself and how others think of you because they impact your tone and voice which makes your message either so much more powerful or also so much less impactful. No more ‘justs’ when it comes to introducing yourself and

3.)   Your story: what has happened in your life that has shaped you to become the person you are? Which mess can you integrate if not actually make your message? Don’t forget – it needs to be aligned with what you want to be known for.

Now over to you:

When was a time that you drew people’s attention? Or maybe the opposite: When was a situation you were talking and no one paid attention?

I’d love to hear from you so make sure to send me a DM and also your insights why it was the case. Would love to share because as we know- the quickest way to learn is from and with each other.